......................

Scared, something bad is gonna happen soon.
I don't know what, but I can feel it...


:/

pictures

Of the snow we are continuing to get here in Colorado.
Another 6-11 inches by tomorrow night.
I'm loving it.

snow snow snow.

It's snowing in Colorado right now.

I'm making some tea, and my dog is asleep on my feet,

and I can't help, but think, that this moment, is perfection. :)

When it rains, it pours.

Sooooo.

I have ended/cut off my relationship with my dad.
I may end up regretting this later in life, but this is what I need right now.
All we do is fight, and I am sick sick sick of it.

a family friend is dying, and yesterday while Kevin and I were driving some lady hit me, and the muffler is falling off of my car, so I can't drive it, and my insurance company tells me that the lady hasn't even reported it to her company yet.

:(

kev-kev

Kevin makes my heart ache.

When I'm not with him, I miss him. I need to hold his hand. Kiss his lips. Rub my thumb on the crease of his jeans. I need to see his smile. Smile back. And tell him every new reason I have come up with to love him.

I think God let me go through all the crappy stuff before him to help me appreciate him for everything he is. Appreciate his honesty, his humor, his happiness, his complete selflessness.

I don't care how cliche it sounds, but he completes me.

He's everything I ever wanted and never knew I needed.

I love him just for being him! I love his mind, his heart, his everything. I love his ambition. I love his outlooks. I love the weird little conclusions he comes to.

I've never felt this before.

I've always wondered what love was exactly.

And it's right here!

I am so amazingly blessed;

I know what love is now.

It's an intention, it's a feeling, and it's an action.

It's irreplacable.

sometimes i can't think of a good, or even a decent title

There’s more important matters!

There’s life within death, and death within life.

The most unique abstractions can be found within the most unoriginal settings.

Nothing is pure, there are two sides to everything. There would be no light if it weren’t for the darkness. Peace doesn’t exist without war. Pain wouldn’t be realized if it weren’t for pleasure.

BUT love! love can be found in everything. love is the only truly relative thing becoming in this world.

Victor Hugo wrote, "If nobody loved the sun would go out."

I’ll never forget that.

Sometimes, most of the time, I lose myself in thought. I lose myself within emotion and made up realities. Nothing exists to me but the present. The future is like an abstract notion or dream. The past creates the fear that turns those dreams into nightmares. Nothing ever surprises me though. Nothing ever has. Everything I have ever done has always been a part of me.

Virginity would not exist if it weren’t the the absence it creates after it’s been corrupted.

Creation bewilders me. How can humans not believe we were created by a Divine being?! Think about it. Could YOU think up the human heart? Could YOU think up the human soul? Could YOU think up the fact that we need thumbs! I don’t even know how to use all of the gifts that have been bestowed upon me, let alone think them up.

I mean, even THOUGHT was created. Nothing happens out of pure chance. And those who believe so don’t want to live up to the nothingness they have become.

There’s more important matters!

Like, what happens when one realizes they regret as much as they remember.

Read that again.

How atrocious! How absolutely unbecoming it feels to REGRET everything that has been committed to memory. When even the happiest of memories leave a feeling of remorse and sadness. There have been moments where I felt like I could float up through the stars and towards the moon only to be burned by the sun. There have been moments where I could have sunken through the mud and beneath the earth only to be grabbed by a stranger.

I guess I have contradicted myself. HA. Not like this is been written to prove a point. Because, good can come of bad. But the victory is still strained by the past, and what it took to get there.

This might quite possibly be the BEST thing I have ever written! And what has inspired this?! My complete and utter appreciation of the unknown. My complete and utter frustration with the unknown. My complete and utter desolation with the unknown.

I’m not a writer, I’m not anything. I am not negative! I am not positive! I am here.

thats all. HERE.

and you know what I am excited for?

LIFE! because it’s truly amazing. i guess i’ve realized that in order to truly live it, i have to be somewhat unattached.

Because the craziest peice of SHIT things will happen, but being left in ruins is not option for me.

I always thought that by expecting anything I would get the complete opposite. But from now on I am expecting something great. And believe me, I have dreamed up so many different different scenarios. But whatever happens happens. And if I get the complete opposite of what i want....

it will just be cause for laughter. and then, action.

something old.

Heaven, you kiss me
Then back to your bliss filled cloud you ascend
Leave me to dance alone in the gray shadows of a blue world
Leave me alone so I can readjust to our nightmares
For you are but a distracting dreams
Distractions from reality only reap apologies
Apologies for actions forsaken for a promise implied
Because you never claimed you loved me
It only showed up in your eyes