Friday, December 27, 2013

You're my best friend, and I love you.

Here we are, laying in your bed.

Not laying like sleeping, or laying like fucking.
Just laying, talking. Laughing.

You tell me I'm the girl you have had in your life the longest, other than your Mom. We laugh more. You move my hair out of my face. I wonder if this will be the night, this will be the time that changes everything. You'll realize we are perfect, you'll kiss me, hard, but in my heart, I know none of that will happen.

I'm trying to keep an eye on you since you had more than enough to drink tonight at the bar.
My hand is laying next to yours, you pick it up and put your fingers through mine.
I draw lazy circles on your chest with my fingers before laying my head on your shoulder.
I wonder if you know how your eyes sparkle, or how pink your cheeks get when you have a huge smile on your face. Not the half smile most of the world gets, but the genuine smile that I get to see.

I wonder if she knows just how much I care about you.

I know you will be falling asleep soon, your words are farther and farther apart. I make sure you have a clear path to your bathroom, just in case you get sick again after I leave. I take your shoes off and find the extra blanket in your closet to cover you with. I leave a glass of water and Tylenol on the table next to your bed.

You notice I'm getting ready to leave. "Stay" you say. I say something like "Why would I stay with your drunk ass?" You say "Good, you better leave, you couldn't resist me anyways" with a smug grin. Then, you thank me, in the soft voice you use when you call me late at night. I turn off your light, lock the door to your apartment and leave.

To the closed door I'll say, "I love you, you're my best friend."

I drive back to my Mom's, crawl to my bed in the basement, and miss your hands on mine.
I miss the smell of your bed.

I miss you.

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