New Year!

Sooo.
It is almost 2010.
Yikes! Anyone else feel like 2009 went by really fast?

Well, tomorrow should be pretty fantastic.

-Haircut.
-Coffee with friends I haven't seen in months.
-Party, with different friends.
-Then picking up my honey, and it's possible that I have something cute planned. :)

Any new year's resolutions?

OOHHHH.

P.S.- Before I forget, I give 2 thumbs up to The Princess and the Frog.
It's a super cute movie. Go see it. You will never be to old to enjoy a Disney Movie. :)

mussiiccc.

I just had to share these with you.
:). Enjoy.

feliz navidad

Well, I am happy to say I only have 2 more presents to buy to finish my christmas shopping.
I just have to get something for my brother's girlfriend, and something for Kevin's dad.


BUUT
Christmas traditions, lets talk about them.
What is yours?

My dad is a police officer, so when I was little and my parents were still married, we always did our big Christmas celebration on Christmas eve, because my dad usually had to work Christmas day.

Everyone does their own thing for the holidays,
whats yours?
:)

God Bless.

Twilight?

Well tonight is very....quiet, and calm.
I'm blogging from my room, and it smells like peppermint, because of my new candle.
I'm being a bit lazy, but i'm lacking energy and motivation today.
I just finished watching Sing-Off on NBC. LOVED it.

Hmmm what else...

Oh! lets talk about Twilight..
What are your thoughts?
Personally, I don't care for it, I couldn't get in to the books,
and I didn't hate the movie, but I didn't fall in love with it either.
I did not jump on the Twilight train. I can't say that I don't understand why people love it so much, I am a Harry Potter fan, so I get it, but this vampire thing...It confuses me. What is the big deal?
Maybe I am just too devoted to my wizard books to fall in love with Bella and Edward....

What do you think about it?

lovelovelove

Ok, well, a happy update.

The other night I was very upset, Kevin and I got in to a huge fight.
We both said some things that shouldn't have been said.
We broke up, and he left my house, and I really thought that was the end of things.

We started texting shortly after everything happened, and now everything is fine.
We are back together and still very much in love. :)

:(

My heart is broken.

My feet are cold.

And tonight was possibly the worst night of my life.
How do things change so fast?
I feel like I missed it.

Things went from perfect to terrible in just seconds.
:(

Tonight I'm feeling sorta bummed.
I miss my honey.
:(

But, as much as I hate missing him I love having him to miss.

I've been in a weird mood lately, a bit stressed, I can't find a job and I need money.
UGH.

I hate money...kinda.

!

Setting up Christmas decorations tomorrow. :)

On a sad note, I am really really really sad that John & Kate +8 is over.
Anyone else?

Sorry for my lack of blogging lately.
Please forgive me.

I want to put some crazy color in my hair,
i think blue maybe.
Just like one little section, but I can't decide.

Anyone have any awesome hair ideas?

ouchouchouch.

I have a headache. A terrible one.
One of those that even my trusty advil can't seem to get rid of.
One that feels like someone is smacking me in the head with some sort of blunt object.
UGH.
Any ideas on how to get rid of this?
Help me bloggers.
Help me.

:(

I know I am complaining, and maybe I am annoying, but please forgive me.

1..2..3..breathe.

I keep reminding myself to breathe.
I feel like life is moving really really fast lately.
I don't mean that in a negative or positive way, it's just how I feel...

Is anyone else feeling this way?
Or am I just odd?

ehhh.

I have my car back. :)
Very very happy about that.
I watched National Treasure today.
More snow for us in Colorado.
I've started my Christmas shopping, and my honey is snowed in with me for the night.

Life is good. :)

How are things going for you?
Excited for the holiday season?

Poem?....

I am too lazy to think of anything new to write tonight so I'm putting up something old.

A couple years back, a close friend of mine lost his fight against brain cancer, I wrote this then.

When I am gone, release me, let me go-

I have so many things to see and do.

You musn't tie yourself to me with tears, be thankful for our beautiful years.

I gave to you my love, you can only guess how much you gave to me in happiness. I thank you for the love you each have shown, but now it's time I traveled on alone.

So grieve a while for me, if grieve you must, then let your grief be comforted by trust; it's only for a time that we must part so bless the memories within your heart

I won't be far away, for life goes on. So if you need me, call, and I will come. Though you can't see me or touch me, I'll be near. And if you listen with your heart, you'll hear all my love around you soft and clear.

And then, when you must come this way alone, I'll greet you with a smile and say "welcome home"

Random?

10 Goldfish Facts

1. The collective noun for goldfish is “troubling”.
2. The oldest ever recorded goldfish was 49 years old.
3. Goldfish have a memory that lasts up to 3 months.
4. Goldfish don’t have a stomach.
5. If a goldfish is left in the dark it will turn almost white.
6. Despite internet rumours, a pregnant goldfish is not called a twat.
7. “Jaws” is the most common name given to pet goldfish by their owners.
8. Goldfish can recognize different human voices.
9. Goldfish can recognize different human faces.
10. Goldfish can be trained in synchronized swimming.

And, on a side note, turning 19 was much better than turning 18. I had a lot more fun, and spent the day with people I love, and people who love me. Thanks for the birthday wishes everyone!

update?

So.
I am still car-less, and will be for at least another week.
I need something to do, something to take up my time, so I am teaching myself how to crochet.
Soo if you are in need of a scarf or a blanket, just let me know.
My birthday is 7th, pretty excited about that.
I'm gonna be 19, ha, ollldddddd.


Anyways, my mind has not come up with anything creative to say lately.
I'm sorry if I seem a bit boring.
I hope your lives are much more exciting than mine! :p

want

I want...

some starbucks.
-someone to write some great thriller/mystery, followed by a movie.
-I want my car to be fixed.
-I i want to win lots of money, just so i can travel, and see the ocean, i've never seen it.
-I want to quit hearing things about 2012 and all that bullshit.
-I want to have an intellectual conversation with someone who disagrees with me about everything, those are the kinds of conversations that make you think.

Mhmm.
:)

tell me about your day, or what you want, tell me something. :)

......................

Scared, something bad is gonna happen soon.
I don't know what, but I can feel it...


:/

pictures

Of the snow we are continuing to get here in Colorado.
Another 6-11 inches by tomorrow night.
I'm loving it.

snow snow snow.

It's snowing in Colorado right now.

I'm making some tea, and my dog is asleep on my feet,

and I can't help, but think, that this moment, is perfection. :)

When it rains, it pours.

Sooooo.

I have ended/cut off my relationship with my dad.
I may end up regretting this later in life, but this is what I need right now.
All we do is fight, and I am sick sick sick of it.

a family friend is dying, and yesterday while Kevin and I were driving some lady hit me, and the muffler is falling off of my car, so I can't drive it, and my insurance company tells me that the lady hasn't even reported it to her company yet.

:(

kev-kev

Kevin makes my heart ache.

When I'm not with him, I miss him. I need to hold his hand. Kiss his lips. Rub my thumb on the crease of his jeans. I need to see his smile. Smile back. And tell him every new reason I have come up with to love him.

I think God let me go through all the crappy stuff before him to help me appreciate him for everything he is. Appreciate his honesty, his humor, his happiness, his complete selflessness.

I don't care how cliche it sounds, but he completes me.

He's everything I ever wanted and never knew I needed.

I love him just for being him! I love his mind, his heart, his everything. I love his ambition. I love his outlooks. I love the weird little conclusions he comes to.

I've never felt this before.

I've always wondered what love was exactly.

And it's right here!

I am so amazingly blessed;

I know what love is now.

It's an intention, it's a feeling, and it's an action.

It's irreplacable.

sometimes i can't think of a good, or even a decent title

There’s more important matters!

There’s life within death, and death within life.

The most unique abstractions can be found within the most unoriginal settings.

Nothing is pure, there are two sides to everything. There would be no light if it weren’t for the darkness. Peace doesn’t exist without war. Pain wouldn’t be realized if it weren’t for pleasure.

BUT love! love can be found in everything. love is the only truly relative thing becoming in this world.

Victor Hugo wrote, "If nobody loved the sun would go out."

I’ll never forget that.

Sometimes, most of the time, I lose myself in thought. I lose myself within emotion and made up realities. Nothing exists to me but the present. The future is like an abstract notion or dream. The past creates the fear that turns those dreams into nightmares. Nothing ever surprises me though. Nothing ever has. Everything I have ever done has always been a part of me.

Virginity would not exist if it weren’t the the absence it creates after it’s been corrupted.

Creation bewilders me. How can humans not believe we were created by a Divine being?! Think about it. Could YOU think up the human heart? Could YOU think up the human soul? Could YOU think up the fact that we need thumbs! I don’t even know how to use all of the gifts that have been bestowed upon me, let alone think them up.

I mean, even THOUGHT was created. Nothing happens out of pure chance. And those who believe so don’t want to live up to the nothingness they have become.

There’s more important matters!

Like, what happens when one realizes they regret as much as they remember.

Read that again.

How atrocious! How absolutely unbecoming it feels to REGRET everything that has been committed to memory. When even the happiest of memories leave a feeling of remorse and sadness. There have been moments where I felt like I could float up through the stars and towards the moon only to be burned by the sun. There have been moments where I could have sunken through the mud and beneath the earth only to be grabbed by a stranger.

I guess I have contradicted myself. HA. Not like this is been written to prove a point. Because, good can come of bad. But the victory is still strained by the past, and what it took to get there.

This might quite possibly be the BEST thing I have ever written! And what has inspired this?! My complete and utter appreciation of the unknown. My complete and utter frustration with the unknown. My complete and utter desolation with the unknown.

I’m not a writer, I’m not anything. I am not negative! I am not positive! I am here.

thats all. HERE.

and you know what I am excited for?

LIFE! because it’s truly amazing. i guess i’ve realized that in order to truly live it, i have to be somewhat unattached.

Because the craziest peice of SHIT things will happen, but being left in ruins is not option for me.

I always thought that by expecting anything I would get the complete opposite. But from now on I am expecting something great. And believe me, I have dreamed up so many different different scenarios. But whatever happens happens. And if I get the complete opposite of what i want....

it will just be cause for laughter. and then, action.

something old.

Heaven, you kiss me
Then back to your bliss filled cloud you ascend
Leave me to dance alone in the gray shadows of a blue world
Leave me alone so I can readjust to our nightmares
For you are but a distracting dreams
Distractions from reality only reap apologies
Apologies for actions forsaken for a promise implied
Because you never claimed you loved me
It only showed up in your eyes

:) content.

realized that I am living the life I've wanted since I can remember.

And what in inexplicable feeling that is!

A little scary- I'm not used to living so well.

(but...)

I have the most amazing friends ever. And I mean that with my entire heart! Each and every one of them has something I admire. Each and every one of them has qualities that I have never been able to find in other people. And it's not just about the fun I share with these people. It's about the way we've all grown together. Whether I've been friends with them since forever , or up until fairly recently . I've grown with them so much it's incredible to even think about- let alone realize. And I'll be honest; I've lost a lot of so called friends- but it's these people that have stuck around and will continue sticking with me 'til the end. In a totally straight way- I think they were made for me. God made us so we could befriend one another. And I'm so glad God chose me to enjoy these wonderful human beings.

And my boyfriend (!) It doesn't even sound right to just call him my boyfriend. He's become much, much more; so much it still makes my heart ache when I wake up and wish with my entire heart he'd just be lying next to me. So much that I still get butterflies when he calls me "baby". So much that sometimes all I can do is stare at him thinking about how hot damn cute he is- and how any other girl could only be so lucky. I love him so much that somehow my mouth seems to lose the words my heart is electrically sending up to it; I only wish I could explain to him the meaning he holds in me. Kevin made my balance complete. He made me complete. And I only have God to thank for that.

Sometimes I wonder if I am becoming to complacent; too content.

But then I realize all over agian that instead of worrying about not worrying I just need to relax and enjoy, with my entire being, the blessings that have been given to me.

This is the life I've been craving.

And it's even better than I thought.

bitter

Let's not be bitter.

Let's not give our past the power to predict our future.

Let us not live in defeat. Let us not be conquered.

Let contentment manifest itself in our hearts. Let it be the spike in our pulse. Let the splendor within us BURST. Let it explode. Let it show itself in the world around us.

Don't be tired, don't be distraught. Don't think to yourself, "Oh, I knew this would happen." You were just scared it would. Don't be weary. Don't be upset. It's LIFE! In a few weeks it will all be different and you'll wonder why you let this keep you up that night.

We want to know everything. We want to know the outcomes. We want to know the consequences. We want to know what is and why it is.

Don't look down on yourself for being curious. Don't deem yourself unworthy of love. Don't overcome yourself. Don't let the splendor go out.

Expect the best! Be relieved in this.

If you cry, don't cry for yourself. You really havn't missed anything special.

And if you cry, cry for someone else. Listen...and it will hit you harder than your own problems.

Don't expect someone else to catch you! To save you! To repair your insides. Don't expect them to needle-and-thread thier way into your heart.

If they're right, your heart won't be hurt. And you'll be patient.

And if you scream. SCREAM. Don't whine. Don't weep. Scream and make sure that the airplanes can hear you.

Try not to be angry. Try not to take things personally.

If they ignore you, it isn't you. If they leave you, it's not you. If they decide not to waste thier time, it wasn't meant to be wasted on you.

Try not to let your heart fall into the pit of your stomache. Try not to let your rib cage weaken. Try not to base your breathing on theirs.

It's beatiful, but a tremendous disaster at the same time.

Believe the best, and you will be relieved.

Take pleasure in being numb, it's better than half of the emotions out there.

So, what are YOU going to do now?!

Explode!

Burst!

Vacate!

Detonate!

Be yourself at your best at all times.

Don't let anyone bring you down, no matter how above they seem.

We're all at the same level.

And girl, believe me. You have people on your side. More than you think. People that see past your exterior, and believe in your heart. People that will stand up for you when your knees give in. People that will stick up for you when things just aren't working.

....

I might have just written this to myself.

Or a mixture of people..

Truth, Purity, & Desire

So, this really isn't old, it's more of me getting a head start for my writing course I start next semester. I have a ton to write, and even more for english. BOOOOO! Tell me if this is any good or if I just shouldn't bother turning it in. Thank you! :)

I desire you. That is the truth in simplicity, in the purest form it can ever know, truth that is. It must be that truth somewhere along the way discovered a different comprehension of purity; a version which humanity, at least a being like me, will never recognize. I'm sure purity has an entirely different complexion than that which we assume also. Nevertheless, purity and desire by no means co-exist.

I am terrified of you; a statement with such a horrid implication, but such a stunning justification. Around you I loose my articulation (never, fortunately, my nerve.) You bring back the long diminished existence of daydreaming. When the gain of imagination and the loss of verbalization combine, it only develops a result consisting of the state of being terrified. How frantically my thoughts races when we converse, my tongue filled with the desire to never cease dialogue. If only I could explain my yearning, my vision of an afternoon with you. One spent laying in the state of being entangled in your sheets, entangled in you. There I would confess to you anything; I would permit you to invade the deepest corners of my constantly locked mind. Hours filled with the sensation of your hands upon my skin, and my enthrallment with the passion your eyes fill with. This is my desire, this is the truth.

what i say and what i mean.

Sometimes, maybe most of the time I don't say what I mean. Anyone else have this problem?



-When I say "I can't," what I really mean is I know I shouldn't...but keep pushing me.

-When I say "Promise?" what I really mean is I'm waiting to be betrayed.

-When I say, "I don't," what I really mean is I wish I didn't, but I do.

-When I say, "Too late," what I really mean is I'm willing to give you one more chance.

-When I say "You're dumb," what I really mean is I think you're amazing.

-When I say "Stop," what I really mean is I want you to keep trying.

-When I say, "I don't need your help," what I really mean is I can't do this without you.

-When I say, "It doesn't matter," what I mean is why can't you see this means the world to me?

-When I say, "I miss you," what I really mean is that my current life is a little difficult to handle.

-When I say "I'm tired," what I really mean is "Come with me."

-When I say, "I understand," what I really mean is "How could you do this to me?"

-When I say, "Oh well," what I really mean is "Try harder."



-When I say, "I love you..." I really mean it. With every inch of me; physically, mentally, and spiritually. Forever and not a day less, even if you stop loving me back. For every day that goes by and every year that passes, for the rest of my life.

missing?

I always feel like something is missing in my life. I catch myself far too often thinking, "Why don't I talk to them anymore? We used to be really good friends..." or "Why haven't I done this in a long time? I used to love it..."
I don't feel like my life can (or will) ever be "fulfilled;" I can't be a thousand places at once with a thousand different people, and I can't do a million projects in one day. I can't commit to one thing without feeling obligated to commit to a ton of others, so I just....don't commit. People that I once loved I barely even think about. Activities I once enjoyed, I no longer partake in. Events I once religiously attended are pushed aside for my "new and improved" life. Things that I used to be proud to say described me and my morals and beliefs are so distant now that it's laughable to think that I once thought they defined who I was.

I don't even know why this matters to me, really. I have a pretty good life. I've got one of the biggest, caring families I know of who would do anything for me in a heartbeat. I've got amazing friends and have been very lucky and am blessed with tons who I call my "best friends," when most people can only claim one or two. I've got a loving, caring boyfriend who supports me and is always by my side. And in all these things combined, I've got the security that everyone is subconsciously yearning for.

So why am I still feeling this emptiness? Like I've left behind something or someone that I'm hoping will resurface?

Is it God?

I like to believe that He plays an active role in my life, but lately, other than, "Please God let me pass this test and I promise I will go to church every Sunday," He hasn't been there as often as He should.

I don't even know if that's it, I'm just brainstorming....I just don't like feeling alone when I obviously am not. And I wish I could find out the cause so I could put a stop to it...



I'm so grateful for everything and everyone that I do have, and I don't want it to sound like I'm greedy and wanting more. That's not it, all I want is for my mind to be at ease so I can let go of this feeling of anxiety that makes me think I'm forgetting something very important

sooo, yeah.

Something I wrote forever and a year ago, not really about me, but someone else, and the stuff around their room. I never really gave it a title, help me think of one.

An eclectic mess of who I've been

with black tops

tick tock silver clock your black hands keep track of the time I seem to be losing

Snow globes of dreams

Polaroid pictures of a town across the sea

Make-up smears

and magazines who claim to change

burnt down candles randomly placed between

frayed paint brushes whos cheap ends have painted ages

and books

full of words and stories, stories far away

tattered photographs of who you once were and who I never knew

smiling faces through sepia tones.

I know it's weird, but hopefully, not super terrible. :)

Have a lovely evening.

?

Why is our country obsessed with sex?
Who is having it, who's not.

Tell me, who cares?

I hate going to stores and seeing it on every magazine.

ANNYYYWWWAAYYS


Good day though.
Honey had dinner with me and the fam.
My grandma made thanksgiving food.

Then, thanks to skype, I got to talk to a very good friend who I miss very much.

Now I am trying to find a corset for Halloween.

What are your halloween plans my dears?

Fly out to Colorado, and we will go to a Haunted House together, it would be oh so much fun!

my poor sicky

My honey is sick.
He has/had a fever, and was shivering and it just made me very very sad.

If you are following Kevin too, go leave him a little get well soon note.



ONE good thing about today though.
I finished painting my room and got my bed back in it and all that jazz.

pictures soon?
maaybbbeee!

Paint covered toes

Kevin and I are painting my room, I had forgotten what a messy task that can be.
Today wasn't super thrilling really..

I painted
Bought gas for my car (hate that)
Went to target

And now I am making a frozen pizza for dinner.
My friends are frustrating me, well only two of them actually.
They were together for about a year, but now she broke his heart.
It's very sad, but they keep throwing me in the middle and I really feel like someone should punch them both in the face.


Sometimes people are dumb.
Blehhh, how...dumb. ha.

Well, im gonna go eat my pizza now,
goodnight guys & dolls. :)

up up up!

Things are going well for me, life is beautiful.

-Painting my room very soon, well, re-doing the whole thing really.
-Got some money for school.
-My dear, sweet, loving boyfriend is going to buy me a bunny. :)
-My best friend is coming home from college this weekend, and we are getting breakfast.
-Possibly trip to the mountains this weekend.

:D

I really don't think things could get any better.

I am blessed.

$$$$$

Why are books for college so expensive?

I haven't even started school yet, i don't start till january, and already it's taking all my money and time!!!


BUT I am super excited about it. :)

I just wish it didnt cost so much moneyyyyy.

things i love

-driving at night
-singing in my car
-fall
-starbucks
-listening to kevin breathe when he's sleeping
-my new computer
-friends
-dogs
-books and reading
-chai tea
-harry potter
-new shoes
-lady gaga
-kermit
-my car
-american eagle
-laughter
-my grandma's cooking
-the colors blue and green
-inside jokes with my best friend
-hockey
-swimming
-disney movies
-my family
-my tattoos
-drives to the mountains
-trips to the zoo


annnd much much more really.
i'm going on an adventure with my friend melissa today.
So so so excited!
We are going to the mountains to see some elk.

Have a fantastic sunday everyone. :)

sorry!!

I apologize for my lack-of-blogging lately.
School is ruling my life, and by the time I have free time to blog, i'm tired, and my brain has run out of thoughts and words for the day.

Please forgive me.
Things will clear up soon and I'll have more time.

Anyways,
What have you all been up to lately?

Paparazzi

I think Lady Gaga is amazing.
Kudos to her for being proud of exactly who she is.



Sure, maybe she is a little bit weird, but she is also very brave.
Really, the world needs more of that.
Just saying. Individuality is a good thing.

here fishy fishy

I was almost killed by a sting-ray today.

At the aquarium, you can feed them, I thought, hey that sounds like fun.

NO.

The one that came up to me was huge.
It wanted to eat my whole hand, I screamed, Kevin laughed at me.
So did everyone else, and I dropped my fish.
It was HUGE though, and one did kill Steve Irwin right?
I figure, I had a good reason to be scared.

be the change

I am in need of a change.

Anyone else feeling like that?

I love my life, I love the people in it,
and I don't want anything drastic to change, but something.
I think maybe that is why I used to color my hair so much. Ha.

Maybe I just need to go buy some new shoes or something.
Or find a new hobby, learn something new,
create my own changes.

Yeah, that's what i'll do. :)

!!!!

I am stressed.

I feel a break-down coming on.

How do you stop it?
When you know you're running right at at a wall, but that is the only way to get where you are going...

Climb over it I suppose.

Ughhh!

food for thought

"People need to be made more aware of the need to work at learning how to live because life is so quick and sometimes it goes away too quickly."

-Andy Warhol

fall fall fall

Fall is coming.

Is anyone else as excited about this as I am?

Next weekend, here in Arvada where I live, there will be a Harvest Festival.
They have a parade in the day and at night games, and rides and things like that.

I couldn't be more excited, not just for the Harvest Festival, but for fall in general. I like the weather more, and fall smells, ok, before you think I'm crazy, I mean like pumpkin pie, and cinnamon, and things like that. I love waking up in the mornings to my house smelling like that.
So, if fall is coming, Halloween isn't far. Which means, i'm gonna carve a pumpkin, like every-year.

So, hooray for fall.
:)

you and me.

Lets get to know each other better.

I'll tell you more about me.

I have 5 piercings.

I love politics, and generally, i'm a bit liberal.

I believe in God with all my heart, but I haven't gone to church in...forever.

I cannot stand Miley Cyrus.

I hate driving somewhere I'm not used to.

I count the stairs to my basement everytime I walk down them.

Now, tell me more about you.

What do you do? What do you order at starbucks?

Lets be best friends.

sleepy.

I am tired and my brain doesn't feel like thinking.

Nothing important tonight.

billy joel said it best.

Well, I was sorta stressed out all evening, but now, none of that is important.
A couple years ago my cousin Tim married his wife Erin, who I love.
She has a younger sister, Hayley, who I made friends with, and we've kept in touch, well, we used to until Hayley was diagnosed with Lugarics. It became to hard to stay in touch with her being states away, and she couldn't talk anymore, I wish I had made more of an effort though.

Here is a description of what it is.

A brave and beautiful girl lost her fight today.

It makes all my problems seem stupid.

.

The people I am closest with have really helped make me the person I am, so I am going to tell you a little bit about them.

Lindsay- Has been my best friend since kindergarten. I am so so so lucky to have her, and still be close after all this time. She is away at school now, and we are still as close. She knows absolutely everything about me.

Chad-I've known him since I was in kindergarten too. He is the nicest person I have ever met. He has the biggest heart, and girls break it. He has always been there for me and Lindsay. Always.

Mlisa- She is the most loyal and adorable girl you will ever meet.

Shae- She and I are an odd set of friends. We are different in every-way. We are still getting to know each other kinda, but our friendship is beautiful.

Annd of course, Kevin, mi amor. We started out as strangers that devolped in to an odd friendship, and now, I am in love with him. 110%. :)

I talk a lot about me though, tell me how your day was, what did you do?
Did you go on a big adventure? Did you buy a car? What happened?

Till tomorrow. :)

Manos Al Aire

I am get increasingly frustrated with my 15 year old brother.
He is selfish, rude, annoying, and really just terrible.
He expects everyone to do everything for him, and it's driving me crazy!!!

Do you have this problem?

It makes me wonder if I was like that when I was 15, or if this is just a boy thing...
I don't know.
Maybe I was just as annoying and selfish, and maybe he is just going through something.


On a different note,
my new favorite song is Manos Al Aire by Nelly Furtado.
Also, I sorta want to dye my hair, which is bad because I told everyone and myself that I was done with that.
And I want to get my ears pierced again, and i really really want to watch The Notebook sometime soon.

Well, a very very good friend is calling me to tell me about his college experience so far, so I think i'm gonna take it.

I think I will write about my friends tomorrow, the close ones anyways.

Till then. :)

Chicken Teriyaki.

Ok, I said I would talk about my tattoos today.

I'll start with the one on the back of my shoulder.
When I was about seven, my best friend was a boy named Trey, we later made friends with a kid named Todd. At 16 Todd was diagnosed with brain cancer, he got really sick, and decided he would rather take his own life then let the cancer kill him.
Orange was his favorite color so Trey and I took orange lily's to his funeral, and that is the same flower we take every time we see him, so that is why I have it on my shoulder.

The sea-horse on my foot is the sister I never really got to have, I was two when my mom had her, but she didn't even live for a day. Her nursery was done in under-water stuff and I had bought her a little sea-horse toy for her bed, which I still have.

Anyways, those are my reasons.
I have to go make din-din for the family now.

Chicken Teriyaki.
Yuuum.

ink.

I learned something today.

I am actually half-way decent at doing nails, in particular, french manicures.

I also drove by a sandwich place called Witch-Wich...
It made me laugh.

My honey is coming over tonight. :)
I'm excited.

And I think in the morning I may make us pan-cakes.
We will see.

I need to find an awesome new band to listen to.
My ears are craving something new.
Suggestions anyone?
I listen to pretty much everything, as long as I can tap my feet to it, or sing-a-long.

My cat is laying on my feet, she is asleep, and snoring.
I almost just want to sit here until she wakes up, she is just so cute, I don't want to move her.

I'm really just babbling tonight.
Want to know something random about me?
Maybe you don't, but I'll tell you anyways.

I have 2 tattoos.
A orange lilly on the back of my left shoulder, and a black sea-horse on my foot.
Both mean a lot to me. I think I will explain why tomorrow though, it's time to see my honey. :)

Well, my dad got married tonight, it was really weird for me, and it showed, I know it did. My cousins were worried about me, and so was Kevin I think.

My honey went with me though, and we got to dance and it was cute, i'm spending the rest of my night with him.

I don't have more to say tonight though, I just wanna go cuddle with my honey, and find some food.

SOOOO.

Goodnight, sleep-tight, don't let the bed bugs bite.

:)

Anywhere you go, let me go too.

I rented the Phantom Of The Opera from blockbuster yesterday. I've since watched it twice. It's romantic, and scary, and sexy, and well, sad. I put up a video of my favorite scene so you can all enjoy it as well.



It's one of my favorite movies, but, each time I watch it, I always change my mind on which guy I want to win to girl over.



I won't talk about that anymore though, because if you don't know the story, you probably have no idea what I am talking about.

My dad is getting married tomorrow. I'm excited, not for the wedding, but it'll be the first time I get to dance with my honey.

Wanna know something? I still get butterflies in my tummy when I think about him. :)
He is my best-friend, my boyfriend, my secret-keeper, my laughter, my heart-beat, and my lover.
I always knew our friendship had the potential to be something more than it was, but I didn't know I would fall for him this hard, but I'm not complaining. I am in love, 110%.

My day was really very good. Spent some quality time with my grandma, and my momma. Had a nice, normal, intelligent conversation with my little brother.
Bought some jeans.
Saw an old friend while I was driving, he followed me, and we went to Dairy Queen, talked about the old days of school at Little Elementary, and about people we used to know, and how he had been since his mother passed. We talked about his girlfriend, and how she could be pregnant, and how he was living in his grandparents basement now, because he can't stand his dad. He just laughed and said something like, "Yeah, I just never saw any of this coming, we are all grown up now aren't we Amanda?" I said yeah Gary, I guess so. He hugged me goodbye and said we should both make more of an effort to keep in touch, I nodded in agreement, and then we went our different ways.


I don't know if that will happen, we may never talk again. We may never see each other again, but it reminded me of how blessed I am really. He had an amazing attitude going though, even though things have been really shitty for him lately, he was still optimistic, and full of faith.

I heard only good songs on the radio, and even found 5 dollars I didn't know I had in my pocket.

On a different note,
I am very, very, seriously considering taking a bar-tending course soon. We will see, I think it could be sort of exciting though. It's not something I see myself doing forever, but for a little while anyways.

To end my night, I think I'll read, do some laundry, and then spend time with my honey of course. :)

So, that is it for tonight everybody, we can chit-chat some more tomorrow.

big trees.

So, I know I said I'd post a picture of the necklace I made, but I am posting this from a friends computer, and my necklace is at home, so another time maybe.

Annyywwayyysss.

I fell in love with a house today.

It was beautiful.

A big front yard, red brick, and a big front porch.

It's an old house, but it was very charming, it had lots of big green trees that hid it, and I really think it's the trees that made me love the house, it just looked like a happy place to live.

Other than spending time with my amor, I think that was the best part of my day.

The rest I spent hanging out, walking my dogs, and job hunting.

I did have lunch with my grandparents though.

My dad's parents.

They really are a very cute couple,

they still hold hands and dance at wedding's.

And they still laugh at/ with each other, I think thats most important. :)

I don't really have much to say, so my babbling ends here tonight.

I'll write more tomorrow, I pinky promise.

mhmm.

I love chai tea.
It's calming, and fantastic, I don't even mind when it burns my tongue, it's worth it.

And it makes me wish fall was here because it just seems like a fall drink, like something you should be drinking while you are wearing a sweater, sitting on your porch with a book, watching the leaves fall off the branches of your favorite tree. Thats what I think anyways.

Ted Kennedy died early this morning I think, or late last night.
My grandma cried. It sorta makes me wonder if when i'm older, if there will be someone of a huge importance, in the publics eye, will pass-away, and if it'll make me cry...
I guess I just wonder if I could ever feel such a connection like that to someone I don't really know.
Hmmm. I think about weird things.

I made a necklace today, it's pretty neat actually.
It kinda reminds me of Pocahontas, maybe i'll put a picture of it up tomorrow.
Someone remind me though, or I'll forget.

Well, I don't have much to say for now. I'm gonna search the web for some cat-eye frames.
New glasses soon hopefully.

Then i'll be on my way to my honey's house.
Have a lovely day or night.
:)

Ready.

My house is quiet, except for the ceiling fan which makes sort of a ticking sound.
Today was exceptionally good. My Honey, and I took a little boy who lives on my street to the Butterfly Pavilion. It's the place to be if you are a two year old boy. It doesn't just have butterflies, it has lots of gross bugs, and even a under-the-sea section.

I sort of have a unique situation with this boy, I was 2 when I moved in to the house I live in now, At the time, Travis was 12, his birthday is 3 days after mine so we are almost exactly 10 years apart. He lived/lives in the house next to me. I adored him and he even built a go-kart thing and put a baby seat on it for me. Years later, Travis moved back to the house, with his own wife and baby, so Aiden, his son comes over to see me all the time now, just like I used to go see Travis. Aiden and I share a birthday. He really is the cutest thing. See?!?! :D







I'm listening to the newest Kelly Clarkson cd right now. Amazing. Definitely worth the 11 dollars I spent on it at Target. In particular I'm listening to the song called Ready. I think I relate to it most right now.

I think I want the newest Beyonce album as well, but we will see, a good bunch of songs I've heard off of it remind me of my honey, which is definitely a good thing.

My dad is getting married this weekend, I know I should be happy for him, because he does deserve to be happy, but it's really really weird for me, and it all happened so fast, one day divorce, a month later living with his girlfriend, a year later, he's already getting married? After 20 years of marriage to my mom? I know It shouldn't bother me, but something about it just feels...icky to me, and I can't get past it.

Plans for later, reading, walking my dogs, filling out a job app., hanging out with a friend....hopefully getting some Chipolte, (nothing sounds better than that right now) and spending time with Kev-Kev.

I realize that I am sorta jumping all over the place with what I'm writing, you just have to try and understand that it's how my brain works.

I think my mind has run out of words to say though, so that is it for today. I'm going to go spend some quality time with my dogs, and the lake, and the outside air.

Start.

Maybe to start, I should tell you a little bit about myself. My name is Amanda Marie Miller. It's a boring name, but I really do like it. I have brown eyes, and hair. I have a bother for a brother, his name is Andrew. My mother is a teacher and my dad is a cop. He moved out the day before my 17th birthday. My relationship with him is slowly improving, but it's not great. My mom's name is Cecilia, which I think is elegant and lovely. My dad's name is Greg. I live with my mom and my brother, my room is in the basement. We have a small zoo, two dogs, Patsy and Smitty. Two cats, Gracie and Coco. A bald rat named Dwight, a Siamese fighting fish (that's a beta) two hamsters, Truffle and Cotton and a turtle, who we normally just call Turtle, even though his name is James.

I'm moving on for now because I don't really feel like talking about myself.

Right now I'm sitting.

My phone is next to me, and it's ringing, well actually it's buzzing, but I'm going to answer it.
It's a little bit cloudy outside, but still warm. I like it most when days are "gloomy." I don't really see them as gloomy though, just calm.

I have about a billion different thoughts running through my head right now, but I don't feel like sharing them really. I'm feeling sort of quiet and shy today, and I don't know why, because normally, I'm not quiet or shy.

I'm looking forward to hanging out with my honey later. He really completes and understands me. I told him I was going to make one of these blog. pages because he has one, I don't think he believed me though, we'll see how long it takes him to figure it out. ;)

Christopher Robbin is coming over to see me in a bit. He's my neighbor, has been for a good part of me life. He is a year younger than I am, we fight a lot really, but it's funny because we fight like brother and sister, and in a way, I really do love him, and he loves me, in a way. I promised him I would help him with his english homework.

I have a feeling this blog will mostly be about my days and what I am doing and whats going on, and my thoughts on things. I'm not a super creative person, I haven't written a story or anything like that in years, but we'll see. I'm thinking I'm gonna give in and go find my honey and start following his blog...hmmm.

Well, that is it for now. I hope my babbling wasn't super terrible.