Tuesday, October 29, 2013


Looking through old blogs tonight, back when Kevin and I were a thing, back when I wrote deep emo poems.

It's funny really, and cliché, but nothing feels super different, but looking back at my own words, my life is nothing like it was just a few years ago.

I'm not complaining, the loss of my relationship, was the right thing, and though it stung like salt on a deep cut at the time, it's been such a good experience for me, and if I'm being honest with myself now, I was done with that relationship before it ended. I didn't want it to end because I didn't want to be single.

My friends have changed, some are the same, some I haven't seen in years.

If I could go back, to one year, I'd be 17 again.
Going to a party, having my first beer.

Laying in the grass of my Mom's backyard holding hands with a boy, looking up at the night, watching stars fall.

Driving around with my best friend, singing at the top of our lungs in the car.

17 was my best year.
When I felt most alive, most free.

Life is good now, no great, I just have more responsibilities now, which is a part of the growing up thing. It's true though, we really don't appreciate those years like we should.

I think sometimes, you just cry because, you now realize how great those times were.

I have almost all of my 20's left though.
Moving out will happen soon, I'll get a better job, maybe find a decent man.

Life is beautiful, and it's ok to miss the past, but I know I have such a great future to look forward to.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Dream Land. Help me?

I rarely dream.
Maybe two a month, and usually it's an event, no particular person that I remember.
When my ex Kevin and I were together, actually even in all the years I knew him before we got together, I only had 1 dream about him, and it was after we broke up.

But in the last 2 months, I've been dreaming about this same guy, the same one I have the flirtationship with. I can't get him out of my head, and it's making me feel like I am an obsessive freak. Really. I am so not normally that girl that acts like that.

The first I had, it was like I ran in to him years from now at like a big conference or meeting of some kind, and he just gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek.
The second, we were hooking up on my couch and he made sure to tell me he liked me and thought I was hot and all, but this was just a hook up.

This week, I dreamt of him twice again, In one we were in a car with a group of people he was driving and I was sitting behind him, and was rubbing his arm, and keeping one hand on the steering wheel he reached over and played with my fingers, and the last one, we were at dinner with a group and wound up holding hands and making out, but not like down n dirty making out, like sweet, like it meant something.

Is anyone good with dream stuff?
Can people communicate through dreams?

The weirdest part is right before the very first one, I saw this dumb thing on Pintrest that said "When you dream of someone, it means they miss you and want to see you" Something like that.
Anyways, that night, after seeing that, I had the dream, then a day or two later he texted me to hangout.

He is really in to dreams, and even journals his. I wonder if I am totally insane, or if people can somehow communicate through dreams, or they mean nothing, or if I'm just obsessing.

I would really love for some help/interpretation on this guys.

Thank you!

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Hump Day


Kind of feeling like a Friday to me, even though I still work tomorrow and Friday.
I think it's because the last 2 days I have worked 13 hours, today will actually be 14 hour work day,
so the next two are normal hours, it'll be easy shmeasy.

The only really exciting thing that happened yesterday is this boy that I have liked off and on since high school, I guess you could call this a flirtationship, drew me a bunch of hearts while he was in class and snap chatted me a picture of them, which would be adorable if something were to actually happen, but nothing ever does. EVER. For literally like 6 or 7 years now.

Sometimes he acts like I'm a bro, and sometimes, he's hanging all over me.
I also got made fun of for blogging.

My friends said I was trying to make myself in to some kind of Carrie from Sex and the City.

Umm, I freakin wish.
She is so pretty, and confident, and also has a job writing.
I wish I was Carrie.

Denver is no New York
I mean, I don't think it is, I've never actually been to New York.

My thoughts are all over the place today, I just about went off there about how awesome Denver really was and is, but maybe another time.

If you have made it this far, I'm sorry, if I was you, I more than likely would of quit reading by now.
I don't know if I actually think people read this anyways, but it's nice to just write.
Even if it's dumb stuff like this.

Happy Hump Day!


Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Hey uhh so u a virign?

How come when I first meet a guy, one of the first things they want to know is if I'm a virgin.
I'm not, but I'm never sure what answer they expect or are looking for here, I guess it's not as bad as used to be in my teenage years, that question was always at the front of their brain.

I was thinking about this last night, about a guy I was seeing around Christmas of last year, and still, one of the first things he wanted to know if I was a virgin. At 22 years old, I feel like it can safely be assumed that I'm not, but some people are, and I was asked again recently by a guy I was texting because I wasn't appreciating his dirty jokes and lame attempt at sexting me. It never once occurred to him, that maybe, he just wasn't funny.

Both times in my most recent history when this has been asked, it was super early in the talking stage.
I just don't understand, why so soon? That can be private information, to be shared later. Day two or three seems so soon.

I'm not prude, I am more than willing to talk about sex, but I don't like to kiss and tell, and I like to keep it classy.


Monday, October 21, 2013

The Million Year Hiatus

So, maybe it hasn't been a million years exactly, but I was finally able to get my hands on a new computer.

Windows 8= Mind Blown.

Anyways, I didn't want to be gone so long, but believe it or not, this blogging stuff isn't so easy to do on a phone.

I am back though, with many thoughts to share and things to say.
Still rocking the single thing, and actually, really happy with it.
Had a few dates, a makeout session here and there, but nothing super exciting.
I feel like maybe more would happen if I was a decent flirt, but I'm not, I'm the worst. I act like everyones bro.

My birthday is coming up soon, I guess that's kind of fun.

23...single, no prospects, no big girl job, living in my moms basement.


I work, I work hard, just not enough to get my ass out of here.

What does one do for a 23rd birthday?
I guess I have a few weeks to figure that out, I just feel like it's not a birthday one really celebrates you know?

Anyways, my fingers have been longing to type down a collection of random thoughts like this.
Feels SO GREAT to have the clicking and clacking of a keyboard beneath them again.

Hope you all have been well.

More Soon!