I always feel like something is missing in my life. I catch myself far too often thinking, "Why don't I talk to them anymore? We used to be really good friends..." or "Why haven't I done this in a long time? I used to love it..."
I don't feel like my life can (or will) ever be "fulfilled;" I can't be a thousand places at once with a thousand different people, and I can't do a million projects in one day. I can't commit to one thing without feeling obligated to commit to a ton of others, so I just....don't commit. People that I once loved I barely even think about. Activities I once enjoyed, I no longer partake in. Events I once religiously attended are pushed aside for my "new and improved" life. Things that I used to be proud to say described me and my morals and beliefs are so distant now that it's laughable to think that I once thought they defined who I was.
I don't even know why this matters to me, really. I have a pretty good life. I've got one of the biggest, caring families I know of who would do anything for me in a heartbeat. I've got amazing friends and have been very lucky and am blessed with tons who I call my "best friends," when most people can only claim one or two. I've got a loving, caring boyfriend who supports me and is always by my side. And in all these things combined, I've got the security that everyone is subconsciously yearning for.
So why am I still feeling this emptiness? Like I've left behind something or someone that I'm hoping will resurface?
Is it God?
I like to believe that He plays an active role in my life, but lately, other than, "Please God let me pass this test and I promise I will go to church every Sunday," He hasn't been there as often as He should.
I don't even know if that's it, I'm just brainstorming....I just don't like feeling alone when I obviously am not. And I wish I could find out the cause so I could put a stop to it...
I'm so grateful for everything and everyone that I do have, and I don't want it to sound like I'm greedy and wanting more. That's not it, all I want is for my mind to be at ease so I can let go of this feeling of anxiety that makes me think I'm forgetting something very important