I always feel like something is missing in my life. I catch myself far too often thinking, "Why don't I talk to them anymore? We used to be really good friends..." or "Why haven't I done this in a long time? I used to love it..."
I don't feel like my life can (or will) ever be "fulfilled;" I can't be a thousand places at once with a thousand different people, and I can't do a million projects in one day. I can't commit to one thing without feeling obligated to commit to a ton of others, so I just....don't commit. People that I once loved I barely even think about. Activities I once enjoyed, I no longer partake in. Events I once religiously attended are pushed aside for my "new and improved" life. Things that I used to be proud to say described me and my morals and beliefs are so distant now that it's laughable to think that I once thought they defined who I was.
I don't even know why this matters to me, really. I have a pretty good life. I've got one of the biggest, caring families I know of who would do anything for me in a heartbeat. I've got amazing friends and have been very lucky and am blessed with tons who I call my "best friends," when most people can only claim one or two. I've got a loving, caring boyfriend who supports me and is always by my side. And in all these things combined, I've got the security that everyone is subconsciously yearning for.
So why am I still feeling this emptiness? Like I've left behind something or someone that I'm hoping will resurface?
Is it God?
I like to believe that He plays an active role in my life, but lately, other than, "Please God let me pass this test and I promise I will go to church every Sunday," He hasn't been there as often as He should.
I don't even know if that's it, I'm just brainstorming....I just don't like feeling alone when I obviously am not. And I wish I could find out the cause so I could put a stop to it...
I'm so grateful for everything and everyone that I do have, and I don't want it to sound like I'm greedy and wanting more. That's not it, all I want is for my mind to be at ease so I can let go of this feeling of anxiety that makes me think I'm forgetting something very important
I agree about feeling like I don't make the effort for the friends I used to love or the activities I used to love. I make the excuse of being too busy with my new Uni life.
ReplyDeleteGood post :)
I've been there, with that empty feeling. I'm sorry I don't know what to tell you to make it go away. For me it means I'm depressed, but I don't know what it would mean for you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for adding me! Have a great weekend. :) (Is it too early? I guess it's just Wednesday. I'm looking forward to the weekend a little obsessively atm...)
I feel like this a lot. It's funny, like you said, things can be going well and I can seemingly have everything I want and need. But for some reason, that anxiety creeps in, like there's something essential that's just not there.
ReplyDeleteI sometimes think of the idea that our entire lives are spent in search of that missing element. Everyone experiences it, young and old. Maybe we are fulfilled in the very pursuit of that elusive piece of the puzzle. I really have no idea...
This is exactly how I've been feeling lately. I couldn't describe it, I just knew something wasn't right. But I read this and I knew it. This explains it. It's that something isn't there. Thank you for this post...at least I know it's something that somebody else feels too, and it's not just me.
ReplyDelete