Twilight?

Well tonight is very....quiet, and calm.
I'm blogging from my room, and it smells like peppermint, because of my new candle.
I'm being a bit lazy, but i'm lacking energy and motivation today.
I just finished watching Sing-Off on NBC. LOVED it.

Hmmm what else...

Oh! lets talk about Twilight..
What are your thoughts?
Personally, I don't care for it, I couldn't get in to the books,
and I didn't hate the movie, but I didn't fall in love with it either.
I did not jump on the Twilight train. I can't say that I don't understand why people love it so much, I am a Harry Potter fan, so I get it, but this vampire thing...It confuses me. What is the big deal?
Maybe I am just too devoted to my wizard books to fall in love with Bella and Edward....

What do you think about it?

sometimes i can't think of a good, or even a decent title

There’s more important matters!

There’s life within death, and death within life.

The most unique abstractions can be found within the most unoriginal settings.

Nothing is pure, there are two sides to everything. There would be no light if it weren’t for the darkness. Peace doesn’t exist without war. Pain wouldn’t be realized if it weren’t for pleasure.

BUT love! love can be found in everything. love is the only truly relative thing becoming in this world.

Victor Hugo wrote, "If nobody loved the sun would go out."

I’ll never forget that.

Sometimes, most of the time, I lose myself in thought. I lose myself within emotion and made up realities. Nothing exists to me but the present. The future is like an abstract notion or dream. The past creates the fear that turns those dreams into nightmares. Nothing ever surprises me though. Nothing ever has. Everything I have ever done has always been a part of me.

Virginity would not exist if it weren’t the the absence it creates after it’s been corrupted.

Creation bewilders me. How can humans not believe we were created by a Divine being?! Think about it. Could YOU think up the human heart? Could YOU think up the human soul? Could YOU think up the fact that we need thumbs! I don’t even know how to use all of the gifts that have been bestowed upon me, let alone think them up.

I mean, even THOUGHT was created. Nothing happens out of pure chance. And those who believe so don’t want to live up to the nothingness they have become.

There’s more important matters!

Like, what happens when one realizes they regret as much as they remember.

Read that again.

How atrocious! How absolutely unbecoming it feels to REGRET everything that has been committed to memory. When even the happiest of memories leave a feeling of remorse and sadness. There have been moments where I felt like I could float up through the stars and towards the moon only to be burned by the sun. There have been moments where I could have sunken through the mud and beneath the earth only to be grabbed by a stranger.

I guess I have contradicted myself. HA. Not like this is been written to prove a point. Because, good can come of bad. But the victory is still strained by the past, and what it took to get there.

This might quite possibly be the BEST thing I have ever written! And what has inspired this?! My complete and utter appreciation of the unknown. My complete and utter frustration with the unknown. My complete and utter desolation with the unknown.

I’m not a writer, I’m not anything. I am not negative! I am not positive! I am here.

thats all. HERE.

and you know what I am excited for?

LIFE! because it’s truly amazing. i guess i’ve realized that in order to truly live it, i have to be somewhat unattached.

Because the craziest peice of SHIT things will happen, but being left in ruins is not option for me.

I always thought that by expecting anything I would get the complete opposite. But from now on I am expecting something great. And believe me, I have dreamed up so many different different scenarios. But whatever happens happens. And if I get the complete opposite of what i want....

it will just be cause for laughter. and then, action.

bitter

Let's not be bitter.

Let's not give our past the power to predict our future.

Let us not live in defeat. Let us not be conquered.

Let contentment manifest itself in our hearts. Let it be the spike in our pulse. Let the splendor within us BURST. Let it explode. Let it show itself in the world around us.

Don't be tired, don't be distraught. Don't think to yourself, "Oh, I knew this would happen." You were just scared it would. Don't be weary. Don't be upset. It's LIFE! In a few weeks it will all be different and you'll wonder why you let this keep you up that night.

We want to know everything. We want to know the outcomes. We want to know the consequences. We want to know what is and why it is.

Don't look down on yourself for being curious. Don't deem yourself unworthy of love. Don't overcome yourself. Don't let the splendor go out.

Expect the best! Be relieved in this.

If you cry, don't cry for yourself. You really havn't missed anything special.

And if you cry, cry for someone else. Listen...and it will hit you harder than your own problems.

Don't expect someone else to catch you! To save you! To repair your insides. Don't expect them to needle-and-thread thier way into your heart.

If they're right, your heart won't be hurt. And you'll be patient.

And if you scream. SCREAM. Don't whine. Don't weep. Scream and make sure that the airplanes can hear you.

Try not to be angry. Try not to take things personally.

If they ignore you, it isn't you. If they leave you, it's not you. If they decide not to waste thier time, it wasn't meant to be wasted on you.

Try not to let your heart fall into the pit of your stomache. Try not to let your rib cage weaken. Try not to base your breathing on theirs.

It's beatiful, but a tremendous disaster at the same time.

Believe the best, and you will be relieved.

Take pleasure in being numb, it's better than half of the emotions out there.

So, what are YOU going to do now?!

Explode!

Burst!

Vacate!

Detonate!

Be yourself at your best at all times.

Don't let anyone bring you down, no matter how above they seem.

We're all at the same level.

And girl, believe me. You have people on your side. More than you think. People that see past your exterior, and believe in your heart. People that will stand up for you when your knees give in. People that will stick up for you when things just aren't working.

....

I might have just written this to myself.

Or a mixture of people..

missing?

I always feel like something is missing in my life. I catch myself far too often thinking, "Why don't I talk to them anymore? We used to be really good friends..." or "Why haven't I done this in a long time? I used to love it..."
I don't feel like my life can (or will) ever be "fulfilled;" I can't be a thousand places at once with a thousand different people, and I can't do a million projects in one day. I can't commit to one thing without feeling obligated to commit to a ton of others, so I just....don't commit. People that I once loved I barely even think about. Activities I once enjoyed, I no longer partake in. Events I once religiously attended are pushed aside for my "new and improved" life. Things that I used to be proud to say described me and my morals and beliefs are so distant now that it's laughable to think that I once thought they defined who I was.

I don't even know why this matters to me, really. I have a pretty good life. I've got one of the biggest, caring families I know of who would do anything for me in a heartbeat. I've got amazing friends and have been very lucky and am blessed with tons who I call my "best friends," when most people can only claim one or two. I've got a loving, caring boyfriend who supports me and is always by my side. And in all these things combined, I've got the security that everyone is subconsciously yearning for.

So why am I still feeling this emptiness? Like I've left behind something or someone that I'm hoping will resurface?

Is it God?

I like to believe that He plays an active role in my life, but lately, other than, "Please God let me pass this test and I promise I will go to church every Sunday," He hasn't been there as often as He should.

I don't even know if that's it, I'm just brainstorming....I just don't like feeling alone when I obviously am not. And I wish I could find out the cause so I could put a stop to it...



I'm so grateful for everything and everyone that I do have, and I don't want it to sound like I'm greedy and wanting more. That's not it, all I want is for my mind to be at ease so I can let go of this feeling of anxiety that makes me think I'm forgetting something very important

things i love

-driving at night
-singing in my car
-fall
-starbucks
-listening to kevin breathe when he's sleeping
-my new computer
-friends
-dogs
-books and reading
-chai tea
-harry potter
-new shoes
-lady gaga
-kermit
-my car
-american eagle
-laughter
-my grandma's cooking
-the colors blue and green
-inside jokes with my best friend
-hockey
-swimming
-disney movies
-my family
-my tattoos
-drives to the mountains
-trips to the zoo


annnd much much more really.
i'm going on an adventure with my friend melissa today.
So so so excited!
We are going to the mountains to see some elk.

Have a fantastic sunday everyone. :)

sleepy.

I am tired and my brain doesn't feel like thinking.

Nothing important tonight.

ink.

I learned something today.

I am actually half-way decent at doing nails, in particular, french manicures.

I also drove by a sandwich place called Witch-Wich...
It made me laugh.

My honey is coming over tonight. :)
I'm excited.

And I think in the morning I may make us pan-cakes.
We will see.

I need to find an awesome new band to listen to.
My ears are craving something new.
Suggestions anyone?
I listen to pretty much everything, as long as I can tap my feet to it, or sing-a-long.

My cat is laying on my feet, she is asleep, and snoring.
I almost just want to sit here until she wakes up, she is just so cute, I don't want to move her.

I'm really just babbling tonight.
Want to know something random about me?
Maybe you don't, but I'll tell you anyways.

I have 2 tattoos.
A orange lilly on the back of my left shoulder, and a black sea-horse on my foot.
Both mean a lot to me. I think I will explain why tomorrow though, it's time to see my honey. :)

mhmm.

I love chai tea.
It's calming, and fantastic, I don't even mind when it burns my tongue, it's worth it.

And it makes me wish fall was here because it just seems like a fall drink, like something you should be drinking while you are wearing a sweater, sitting on your porch with a book, watching the leaves fall off the branches of your favorite tree. Thats what I think anyways.

Ted Kennedy died early this morning I think, or late last night.
My grandma cried. It sorta makes me wonder if when i'm older, if there will be someone of a huge importance, in the publics eye, will pass-away, and if it'll make me cry...
I guess I just wonder if I could ever feel such a connection like that to someone I don't really know.
Hmmm. I think about weird things.

I made a necklace today, it's pretty neat actually.
It kinda reminds me of Pocahontas, maybe i'll put a picture of it up tomorrow.
Someone remind me though, or I'll forget.

Well, I don't have much to say for now. I'm gonna search the web for some cat-eye frames.
New glasses soon hopefully.

Then i'll be on my way to my honey's house.
Have a lovely day or night.
:)