Looking through old blogs tonight, back when Kevin and I were a thing, back when I wrote deep emo poems.
It's funny really, and cliché, but nothing feels super different, but looking back at my own words, my life is nothing like it was just a few years ago.
I'm not complaining, the loss of my relationship, was the right thing, and though it stung like salt on a deep cut at the time, it's been such a good experience for me, and if I'm being honest with myself now, I was done with that relationship before it ended. I didn't want it to end because I didn't want to be single.
My friends have changed, some are the same, some I haven't seen in years.
If I could go back, to one year, I'd be 17 again.
Going to a party, having my first beer.
Laying in the grass of my Mom's backyard holding hands with a boy, looking up at the night, watching stars fall.
Driving around with my best friend, singing at the top of our lungs in the car.
17 was my best year.
When I felt most alive, most free.
Life is good now, no great, I just have more responsibilities now, which is a part of the growing up thing. It's true though, we really don't appreciate those years like we should.
I think sometimes, you just cry because, you now realize how great those times were.
I have almost all of my 20's left though.
Moving out will happen soon, I'll get a better job, maybe find a decent man.
Life is beautiful, and it's ok to miss the past, but I know I have such a great future to look forward to.