update?

So.
I am still car-less, and will be for at least another week.
I need something to do, something to take up my time, so I am teaching myself how to crochet.
Soo if you are in need of a scarf or a blanket, just let me know.
My birthday is 7th, pretty excited about that.
I'm gonna be 19, ha, ollldddddd.


Anyways, my mind has not come up with anything creative to say lately.
I'm sorry if I seem a bit boring.
I hope your lives are much more exciting than mine! :p

sometimes i can't think of a good, or even a decent title

There’s more important matters!

There’s life within death, and death within life.

The most unique abstractions can be found within the most unoriginal settings.

Nothing is pure, there are two sides to everything. There would be no light if it weren’t for the darkness. Peace doesn’t exist without war. Pain wouldn’t be realized if it weren’t for pleasure.

BUT love! love can be found in everything. love is the only truly relative thing becoming in this world.

Victor Hugo wrote, "If nobody loved the sun would go out."

I’ll never forget that.

Sometimes, most of the time, I lose myself in thought. I lose myself within emotion and made up realities. Nothing exists to me but the present. The future is like an abstract notion or dream. The past creates the fear that turns those dreams into nightmares. Nothing ever surprises me though. Nothing ever has. Everything I have ever done has always been a part of me.

Virginity would not exist if it weren’t the the absence it creates after it’s been corrupted.

Creation bewilders me. How can humans not believe we were created by a Divine being?! Think about it. Could YOU think up the human heart? Could YOU think up the human soul? Could YOU think up the fact that we need thumbs! I don’t even know how to use all of the gifts that have been bestowed upon me, let alone think them up.

I mean, even THOUGHT was created. Nothing happens out of pure chance. And those who believe so don’t want to live up to the nothingness they have become.

There’s more important matters!

Like, what happens when one realizes they regret as much as they remember.

Read that again.

How atrocious! How absolutely unbecoming it feels to REGRET everything that has been committed to memory. When even the happiest of memories leave a feeling of remorse and sadness. There have been moments where I felt like I could float up through the stars and towards the moon only to be burned by the sun. There have been moments where I could have sunken through the mud and beneath the earth only to be grabbed by a stranger.

I guess I have contradicted myself. HA. Not like this is been written to prove a point. Because, good can come of bad. But the victory is still strained by the past, and what it took to get there.

This might quite possibly be the BEST thing I have ever written! And what has inspired this?! My complete and utter appreciation of the unknown. My complete and utter frustration with the unknown. My complete and utter desolation with the unknown.

I’m not a writer, I’m not anything. I am not negative! I am not positive! I am here.

thats all. HERE.

and you know what I am excited for?

LIFE! because it’s truly amazing. i guess i’ve realized that in order to truly live it, i have to be somewhat unattached.

Because the craziest peice of SHIT things will happen, but being left in ruins is not option for me.

I always thought that by expecting anything I would get the complete opposite. But from now on I am expecting something great. And believe me, I have dreamed up so many different different scenarios. But whatever happens happens. And if I get the complete opposite of what i want....

it will just be cause for laughter. and then, action.

:) content.

realized that I am living the life I've wanted since I can remember.

And what in inexplicable feeling that is!

A little scary- I'm not used to living so well.

(but...)

I have the most amazing friends ever. And I mean that with my entire heart! Each and every one of them has something I admire. Each and every one of them has qualities that I have never been able to find in other people. And it's not just about the fun I share with these people. It's about the way we've all grown together. Whether I've been friends with them since forever , or up until fairly recently . I've grown with them so much it's incredible to even think about- let alone realize. And I'll be honest; I've lost a lot of so called friends- but it's these people that have stuck around and will continue sticking with me 'til the end. In a totally straight way- I think they were made for me. God made us so we could befriend one another. And I'm so glad God chose me to enjoy these wonderful human beings.

And my boyfriend (!) It doesn't even sound right to just call him my boyfriend. He's become much, much more; so much it still makes my heart ache when I wake up and wish with my entire heart he'd just be lying next to me. So much that I still get butterflies when he calls me "baby". So much that sometimes all I can do is stare at him thinking about how hot damn cute he is- and how any other girl could only be so lucky. I love him so much that somehow my mouth seems to lose the words my heart is electrically sending up to it; I only wish I could explain to him the meaning he holds in me. Kevin made my balance complete. He made me complete. And I only have God to thank for that.

Sometimes I wonder if I am becoming to complacent; too content.

But then I realize all over agian that instead of worrying about not worrying I just need to relax and enjoy, with my entire being, the blessings that have been given to me.

This is the life I've been craving.

And it's even better than I thought.